Afraid

I am afraid of my neighborhood.
I am afraid I've lost myself.
I am afraid I am not capable of being in a happy relationship.
I am afraid I'm bipolar, or worse (like my mother).
I am constantly afraid of offending everyone (see also: unnecessarily apologizing for everything).
I am afraid I overreact to everything.
I am afraid I am not capable of being happy.
I am afraid that I make everything a big deal, therefore making the actual big deals seem like just another thing.
I'm afraid that I suck. At everything.

Tonight, I hate Arizona. I hate that I don't know if what I feel is rational any more. I hate that I can hide these kinds of feelings and do, even when I really shouldn't. Why did I hide all these things from my therapist back in Santa Cruz? Man, I hate having to write such emo teenage thoughts down, but I just feel lost, almost constantly these days. I don't know what to do.